I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
