Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
