She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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