At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
