I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
