Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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