can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
