This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
