Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
