Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
pray to the hookup gods
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The air taste purple.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
