i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
