I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
