all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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