I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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