I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
