Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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