Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
