you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize