I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
