Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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