I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize