Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
