haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
