I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
