I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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