So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
