STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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