i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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