Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
