I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
