I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
