We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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