Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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