I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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