How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
