I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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