Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
