I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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