like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
