I accidentally burped into my bong.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
