i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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