so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
