brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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