Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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