Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
