a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
