i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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