I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
