I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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