I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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