I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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