Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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