Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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