My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
