I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
