I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
