dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
