She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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