nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
