I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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