i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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