I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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