I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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