I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
