I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
