oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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