i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
