I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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